IF

If i was still pregnant now, i would have been 18 weeks tmr.
I would have probably/definitely look like a whale.
And A's moving would probably be much more complicated if i was.

It really is a blessing in disguise, for what it's worth. :)

#lifegoals

Yesterday, I cried.

Yesterday, I cried.
I came home, went straight to my room,
sat on the edge of my bed,
kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra,
and I had myself a good cry.
I cried until my nose was running all over the silk blouse I got on sale.
I cried until my ears were hot.
I cried until my head was hurting so bad
that I could hardly see the pile of soiled tissues lying on the floor at my feet.
I want you to understand,
I had myself a really good cry yesterday.

Yesterday, I cried,
for all the days that I was too busy,
or too tired, or too mad to cry.
I cried for all the days, and all the ways,
and all the times I had dishonored, disrespected,
and disconnected my Self from myself,
only to have it reflected back to me in the ways others
did to me the same things I had already done to myself.
I cried for all the things I had given, only to have them stolen;
for all the things I had asked for that had yet to show up;
for all the things I had accomplished, only to give them away,
to people in circumstances, which left me feeling empty,
and battered and plain old used.
I cried because there really does come a time when
the only thing left for you to do is cry.

Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because little boys get left by their daddies;
and little girls get forgotten by their mommies;
and daddies don't know what to do, so they leave;
and mommies get left, so they get mad.
I cried because I had a little boy,
and because I was a little girl,
and because I was a mommy who didn't know what to do,
and because I wanted my daddy to be there so badly until I ached.

Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because I hurt. I cried because I was hurt.
I cried because hurt has no place to go
except deeper into the pain that caused it in the first place,
and when it gets there, the hurt wakes you up.
I cried because it was too late.
I cried because it was time.
I cried because my soul knew that I didn't know
that my soul knew everything that I needed to know.
I cried a soulful cry yesterday, and it felt so good.
It felt so very, very bad.
In the midst of my crying,
I felt my freedom coming,

Because... Yesterday, I cried
with an agenda.

It is ok because I express pain differently.

Eh malas nyeeeee.

Itching to write but the laziness.

On top of it all, my Koko always want to cuddle cuddle on bed only. No freedom! Lol.

How to become author like this?

Work

My sweet agent from Adecco called yesterday and said that there is an opening at BP and she was wondering whether i would be keen.

Haiyahhhh whhyyyy. BP is like the high profilic place to work at. Even better than Shell & AxxonMobil.

So i spoke to A, my sister and my cousins and asked their opinion. Well actually i kinda have made my decision ard. See i wasnt planning to work till we move and probably im getting bored and getting unused to using my husbands funds.

So i went for my 1st phone interview today and it went well. HOWEVER, tmr will be the second and final interview with the board of directors and i am scared shitless.

My agent send me the JD and my oh my, no wonder they could pay wholesomely. The JD was 3pages long. So i went to starbucks earlier, sat down for a good 3hrs to do my research and homework on the company's profile and what is expected of me for a OHN.

If it's my rezeki, it will be mine.
But hey, just take a look. And my homework. Lol. Mcm rajin je. Hopefully tmr i dont go frozen and let it go.

Set to go. Time to sleep. Good night! 

To be or to be is not an option

After writing that lengthy post, it made me realised how much i have in my head.
There are things that are stopping me, and there are things that needs to be worked on, amongst many.

There is just so many things to think about and i admire those people who takes on all their courage to pick up their bags and leave, returning better then ever. Some not even at all.

But what are the chances this comes again?

I can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over analyzing the situation, trying to fit the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happen.

Or, i can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.

Migrating to KL

People would say that it only makes sense to migrate to a country with a better currency than Singapore, thats when the standard of living is achieved readily, rather than migrate to places like Malaysia or Indonesia.

Thats what people say ahhh.  I beg to differ.
And of course, its not because I am going over in a few mths time thus stating facts to myself that we have made a good decision, or otherwise, whichever it is. This is not the case of making-myself-feel-better post. I know i am all about facts and what not.

Ok so. Someone said,

'Kl traffic is horrendous, transport is like no point with all the jam and population, ringgit is so low now with a conversion rate at an astonishing x2.65.', to name a few.

Ok first things first. And let me explain in brief, if not very detailed info about the pros and cons of living in KL. And when i say this, i am totally reflecting the p&c as to what is affecting me & A. Not in general. I dont care about other people. Lol.

1. Salary
Of course its in RM. But because we will be living in KL, we have to avoid the perception every sporeans have on converting and 'its cheaper or more expensive in Spore'. I think that only applies if you are on a trip here to KL for a few days. Its diff when you are actually living here isnt it?

ISNT IT? Haha. 
Of course you'll be doubly rich here. But we will be paid in RM. And truth to be told, the salary is also doubletriple to what we are getting in Spore. So, would that benefit us at all? Of course it is. So exclude that pls. Why would we want to jump into a minimum 3yr commitment if we know we will not achieve a better or at the very least, a higher than average standard of living. We have minimum standards too. And being able to achieve that in Spore, we can in KL. Period.

2. Housing/Accomodation
We bought our first home here in SG back in Jan. 4 room resale at 408k. It was considered on the lower scale since it was resale. And it was for a good bargain to say the least. Of course we entered real estate when the market wasnt good. Good for us. Not so much for the people who sold us their house. Nyeh nyeh nyeh. It was really our best purchase ever. Almost walk in condition. Of course the kitchen give me problem la. I want islanddddd. Ok back to housing in KL.

Again, there is a lot to choose from in KL compared to SG. We have the option to stay in city, near city, outside city, way outside city. And of course price plays a comparison as well. Staying in city will come in at a bigger $$$ per mnth, but because its in the city, we can make use of the readily transport system in KL. Save on transport la gitu.

So we did our fair share of research. Actually, only i did. A is no help. He leaves everything to me.

Because A will be working in Bangsar South and me in city area. We decided that ok, we will live somewhere a little bit outside, but with a car, we will make do. I mean come on, we cannot afford a condo here, not ever la, insya allah maybe in the future. So why not live in a condo in KL. The prices are unbelievable ranging from RM1.3k-RM2.5k here for a minimim 2-3bedroom apartment. And fully furnished for that matter. We are not gonna go into buying an empty apt and then having to buy furnitures and electrical items and what not, at the end of the day, we're not gonna live there forever.

So with that being said. RM1.3-2.5k for a 2-3bedroom apartment, good?
Roughly about 10-20mins to city. Near amenities, shops, and pasar (very impt). I think its good as it gets. We had our eyes on a few apts that A will be seeing when he goes over end of this mnth. Its Scotts Garden Soho located along Jln Klang Lama, 231TR in city, pantai hillpark in pantai and Elements @ Ampang.
( traffic is secondary, spore also traffic, dont want traffic stay at kampong k?)
Ok i wanna compare, this i have to.
$600-$1000/month for a 2-3br condo in spore, can get? Fully furnished ahhh. NEVER. Lucky enough if you have a master bedroom with that price.

Of course we are set for a gatted apartment, with a pool and an awesome view. With Soho being a duplex and just on top of Tesco & Starbucks, what more do i want.

3. Food. Food. Food.
Have you ever went to KL and because the food was so cheap, you just have to buy those foods not because you are hungry but because it is so damn cheap? Exactly. How much is dining out again in KL? And please, dont need to talk about eating in posh and high end places. Even in SG we rarely eat lavishly, maybe once in 2mnths. We are the kedai kopi kinda people. 
So ok kedai kopi, prices are the same? Maybe a few RM more? RM5 for a plate of chicken rice? RM8 for a mcdonalds meal? Affordable enough if your salary is doubletriple the amount in SG? Of course it is. And with the fact that halal cuisines is at every road and streets, i think we will be spoilt for choice. Happy me!

4. Transport (Car & Public)

Public for me
Ok i have to say this. When i used to work in novena and i was from hougang. I HATED going to work due to commuting. There is NEVER enough space and i always have my face a few inches away from the door. So please dont tell me we have a very efficient transport system. With the sardine morning train rides and being late due to train faults, there is really nthg efficient about the transport system in Spore. Comparative to KL, i think it is pretty much the same. The only setback for me is. Those days when i have to commute to work without A, and i have to take a bus to go to the nearest metro or lrt stn, same like in Spore, i never knew their bus stops. I always thought just flag the bus will stop. Ok that i have to find out more.

Car for A
A being A. And the fact that i know how much he is into cars and the fact that we dont have it in spore, it makes more sense for him to get a car in KL. Plus the not paying $60k grand for a piece of paper (stupid COE), car prices in KL is relatively very cheap.
We have seen the range and we came up eith a few list of cars in hand.

Kanchil kenari/myvi rm200-300/mnth
Proton sedan rm400-500/mnth.
Mitsubishi/hyundai/kia/ford sedan rm500-600/month
Honda civic/mitsubishi suv rm700-800
Peugeot 700-800

Thats the max we can have. RM700-800/mnth for a car. We do not want to max our budget for the car, a car is still a car, a kenari has to go through traffic just as a maserati would. BUT, come one. Let A have this moment this time. He takes the pick. He is super excited about it. Always showing me cars in the middle of the night. Boys and their toys.
And like i said, with the traffic in KL and so is there in SG, that is smtg we cant avoid. So i will make my peace with that.

5. Income Taxation for Expats
Just like IRAS, malaysia has its own tax regiments as well. But the difference is as to the rates imposed to us. Just like a PR in SG, it is just as e same to us who belongs to the expat/foreigner community in Msia.
So let me share with you what i have read through. I might be wrong. But i might also be very very right. Muahahahaha.

Tax residents VS Non tax resident
Tax residents
Those people who serves a minimum of 182 days per calender year. Bear in mind that msia income tax prevails from 1st Jan - 31st Dec. So if you are the unlucky ones who comes after the first half of the year, be ready to pay extra contributions just because you dont fit their 182 days/calender year requirements.

So for these tax residents, you are required to pay 26% per month for the first 6months of your stay in KL. They say your contribution rates varies in accordance to your pay scale and the max is 26%, but you know thats all bullshit. Of course it will be 26%. Why? Its Malaysia. Having a sporean to lead a malaysian team, this is our suffering people. Ok so 26% for the first 6mnths with a promise of a certain percentage of refund in their next calender yr in april. April is the month for income tax filing in msia fyi. When asked when is the refund, of course they cant give a straight answer. Malaysia boleh! So refunds aside, you have to contribute a 6-12% of your salary after the 6mnths for as long as you work in msia. Its like CPF but they call it EPF there. Not sure whether that will be refunded and again, lets just put it at 12%.

Lets say if the salary is RM12,000. RM3120 is for tax. DAMN!

Non-tax residents
I never really read this part but im assuming it has got to do with paying a bit more because you dont qualify in being a tax resident. If its not less money its more, what else could it be right? Im setting my foot at MORE. Lol.

There is also taxes in mind like social security tax and health insurance tax. But A's company will have to sort that out. I am very rigid when it comes to paying. Bukan kedekut eh. Its like. Ok lets face it, Malaysia is a corrupted nation. We have experienced it, we've read about it and we know how its like. So as long as there are facts and a legit signed letter to prove what is and whats not, i am good. But if not, ASK ASK ASK. Which is why i am ranting at A to make sure he has all these queries asnwered in hand before making the trip. I even emailed the HR on behalf of him. Because i have so many qns. And with A getting all hype about moving, he might have not thought about it. Thats why we are a team.

I think. He? He thonks. LOL!

Because we are renting our flat out here whilst we are away, of course we can snip into that to cover for deposits or taxes and what not. Always have back up la. Because the ultimate plan is to come back to SG, 3yrs later, or so, and have at least 40k in our bank to settle reno and settle down here. Thats our aim. We will work towards it. A has a hand in saving and bring thrifty. I am not. Im a spender and so are you! Just admit it la. Haha.

6. Language & Culture
Doubt this will an issue. It is generally a muslim country. I hope i dont come back talking like doh, wei, kot.
I need to start conversing more in melayu. Because the last time i ordered fries in kl mcdonalds, it was a disaster.

Me: 'One large fries takeaway pls'
Her: 'And then?'.

Mati la aku kau jawab mcm gini wei!

7. Holiday
Ok so me and A are so dwind to travel every now and then. And of course with the low RM, booking a flight might be an issue considering the currency. BUT! Because A is very resourceful when it comes to checking out deals and travel discounts, no problem la kan. Also, trust me, it is much cheaper to fly from KLIA then from Changi.

If not, we can always make the time to explore Msia from a different side. Of course theres the states and europe and italy n france and turkey and dubai and all these places we longed to visit. But maybe, we can start with port dickson, genting, cameron, baru caves, langkawi, melaka, terrenganu. All these places full of history. I wouldnt mind. In fact, A, when is our next trip?!?!

However, batam seems far now whyyyyyy.

7. Weather
Same same. But if hot at home can on aircon most of the time cause electricity in Msia is not as crazy as PUB. Money sucker that PUB.

8. Lastly, Overall Sustainability
Truth be told, with more pros than cons to my believe, i am more scared to move over than be excited. The fear of whats to come. The unsure-rity. I know we will do well there. With A holding a higher post and me being a nurse, we could easily churn out at least RM15-20k/month in hand.  But what worries me is the family we will leave behind. I have never stayed apart from my mum (except that 2yrs when i was studying). And the fact that she is a single mum and she is still paying off her house. It saddens me that she has to continue working to sustain herself and irfan. Of course bringing them over and having irfan placed in an international school is out of the qns because the fees are ridicolous. I freeze upon the thought of leaving my mum behind. And my cats. Ohh my cats. :'(

But, i need to take this in our stride. Like i told A. I have always been blessed to hold a good paying job here. And the second A told me about his chance of a relocation, i said go for it without a second thought. Of course for that second i fail to think of other factors involved in our relocation. But this oppourtunity comes knocking on your door, you take it. It might just be KL but wouldnt it be nice to move for a chance. Have some work life balance. Spore is too stressful and its taking a toll on us. With work and the demand to pay this and that. its too much for 1 person to deal at times. And yes, we give this a 3yr stunt, we will be back, we might not. Who knows. As cliche as it is, we wouldnt want to think back and said damn we shud have done that. Let us do this for the experience.
Because we only have each other over there, it might gives us a chance to see each other in a diff perspective. We need each other. We are a team. And whereever his dreams lands him, i will go and give him all that supoort he needs.

Aidil, this is for you. Your time to shine.
It's an ego booster, really. :)

Pain

I am in so much pain after miscarrying yesterday.

A needs to work, i cant have him beside me stroking me with vicks all the time and bringing me drinks when i asked him to. I need to persevere and be strong.

Ya allah, give me the strength to go through this.

Finally

So earlier today I was at Mount Elizabeth hospital for an interview. I got the job fyi. Alhamdulillah.

While waiting, i experienced pain like no other. I was having severe cramps and broke into a cold sweat and i knew i had wet my pants. No it is not disgusting.

As you all know, i had a miscarriage and it has been close to 7-8weeks? Nthg has happened yet and i was scheduled for a D&C on 7/4.

Today it happened.
Firstly i have to apologize if the graphics i would be showing would cause some people to vomit but again, like i have said. There is nothing to be shy about when we talk about miscarriages. Seems to be a close topic for some. Though awareness is there, it is always good to have or read stories especially if you are experiencing or going through one.

So during the interview, i was sweating bullocks and it was a pain i can never describe. I felt like i was experiencing contractions, though i never knew how it felt like but im pretty sure it was close to that. The contractions was about 15-20mins apart and everytime i could feel blood trickling out from my vajeje. And this was happening the moment i stepped out of the house.

So i persevere through the interview. I got the yes, i start next week. The pay is good, benefits and bonuses all good. Alhamdullilah for that.

Right after that, i dashed straight to the toilet whilst that feeling like as if i was gonna give birth.

And i did.

It was smooth. And alhamdulillah, it happened in the toilet because masya allah, imagined if it happened in the train or while im walking at orchard road. I could not thank Allah for giving me the blessing and shelter for what i thought is something personal that the walls of the cubicles was sufficient.

My panties was soaked with blood. So was my pants. My pad was unregconizable and i was in a complete state of shock as to what i saw came out of it.

It was my baby, my precious little one.

Innalillah wa innahlillayhi rajiioon.
For to him we belong and to him we return.

I wrapped my baby in a handkerchief which i happened to have. Cleaned myself up. Brace myself. Called A to inform him and hailed a cab and went back home.

I held my baby on my palms throughout the journey home. He/she was heavy. About 300-400grams i can say?

When i reached, mum and A was waiting and we went to bury our baby right after, under a tree, just behind our home where i could see him through my bedroom window.

We wrapped him in a white cloth and we buried him together. It was heartbreaking. Nothing can compare to having to bury your own child. And as a Muslim, because my baby was not fully 'grown', we did not have to go through funeral processions. But what i saw in the toilet, i just didnt have the heart to flush my baby down.

We have moaned and we have accepted.

It was just before maghrib and it was windy, almost chilly. And i knew Allah must be very proud of us, as parents, to be so calm and composed at that moment of time.
Only when we had to doa after, i broke down and i just hugged A.

Thats our baby.
And we will see you soon sweetheart, in jannah, insya allah.

Thank you A, for being the stronger one. For taking the lead. For doing all that you do. For giving me the strength. For not pointing fingers. For accepting our destiny. For allowing me to moarn. And for being wonderful all this time.

Alhamdulillah, for this test and all blessings to follow.
I am tested and i have redha. And we will not stop trying.

PS. In the photo, is my precious, with its placenta and attached umbilicial cord. It came out in 1 piece. Alhamdulilah.

Till I see you again, insya allah.

Nothing is as painful as burying your own child.

What's happening

Since our last visit to the doctor. And since the advise was to miscarry naturally, nothing has happened yet. I am having none of the miscarriage symptoms. No cramps. No bleeding. No spotting. No nthg.

Should i be worried?

As of today, baby has been inside me not alive for close to 5 weeks now.

Please give me some answers.
Why is the baby not coming out?

News on either side

Since we received news of the miscarriage, we have been receiving countless support and love from people we knew, and definitely made facing this period much easier.

However, when you are faced with such news, any news later is considered good.

1. A was offered a permanent job at apple as a software engineer. Pay increase and excellent benefits. Of course I am overjoyed because this is his cup of tea. And i am glad that insya allah, his work life is much stable now.

However, when A submitted his resignation letter, A was approached by his big boss that they are considering to convert him to perm BUT thats not the best part.

The best part is they are also shortlisting his name to lead the banking team in KL. Basically, A's company is relocating to KL and his boss wants him to lead the team over there in charge of DBS.

THAT'S BIG NEWS ISNT IT?

If A relocates, i go with him. Which also means we will be starting our life there. Seems viable considering after what happened, it will be nice to free ourselves from the stressful demands of life in SG and live somewhere more 'relek' and laidback.

So A went for the interview with the recrutiment team from NCR HQ 2 days ago, and yesterday, they called and said that he got the job. And the salary offer they are offering is ya allah too good to be true. Enough for me to follow him there and become a tai tai lah. If not also i always have the option to work as a nurse there so i wont bore myself to death.

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

I could say that A was extremely happy yet i knew he wasnt expressing that much knowing the other news and it just dampens everything.

Cant tell you how proud i am of A. So so proud of his determination and eagerness to start this new role and of course, whatever it takes, i will be his motivator.

So whilst we moarn, we are also considering this leap of future insya allah benefitting the both of us say, im the next 5years to come.

Maybe we will just be migrating there for good.
Maybe we will just leap at this opportunity to work there for 3-5yrs and then come back to SG.
Maybe A wont even take the offer and accept Apple instead.

So, we'll see. :)

It is what it is.

Broke the news to the ones that knew and mattered yesterday. The look on everyones faces was pure disappointment and sadness however it is what it is.

It has been nearly 5weeks since my precious is 'resting' in my womb.

Opting to wait for another week for a natural miscarry which i hope wont be too painful however if my baby decides to stay on, will be going for a D&C on 7/4/15.

I pray to Allah that he will ease my pain and give me all the strength for me and A to get through this.

Me and A has comes to terms with the loss of our baby. We hope people gives us the space to not make it harder for us.

Will be away for 3days to just give ourselves some breather. Looking forward to eat all the food i avoided during pregnancy.

Life goes on doesn't it?

What I knew

Went to TMC earlier today and what i anticipated happened.

The worse words to hear during a pregnancy ultrasound is 'we could not detect heartbeat'.

They churned us a report 20mins later and in the car back home, me and A kept silent throughout the journey yet he held my hands so tight and I knew he was crying.

I wasnt sad because i had a miscarriage.
In fact, i am glad that Allah decided to let him/her go because maybe he/she was not going to be a healthy baby.

What saddens me is disappointing A, yet again. Because i know he wanted to be a dad more than anything in this world. He is the most excellent around kids. The love i have for him is too much and i could feel his pain.

We will get over this.
But the moment we stepped out thinking we needed a breather, we saw a wonderful image of a mum holding her baby and it just crushed us.

It could have been us.

HB

Went for a dating scan yesterday at Dr Adrian's clinic and he could not find a heartbeart and fetus was 'unusually small'. Mothers instincts, i felt smtg was just off since last week hence the trip to Dr Adrian's clinic.

So he advised us to go to TMC for a Fetal Viability Test to confirm. It will be tmr, 19/3 at 8am and will be seeing him right after that at his clinic at 1145am.

If this is a MS yet again, i will be devastated.

Where did it go wrong?

What did i do wrong?

Paranoia

Today, i woke up feeling light. And when i say this, it scares me.

For the past 10 weeks or so, since the pregnancy symptoms kicks in, i never fail to wake up feeling heavy, breast so tender and painful even when walking, felt like my lower abdomen has increased in size through the night, immediate urgency to pee, and most importantly, nauseous and have this little finger behind my throat tickling the bezzejus out of me. Abeh when i brush my teeth, i will literally vomit all of my stomach contents which is actually to be honest, the worse start of my day.

Today, NONE of that happened.
When i woke up for work this morning at 6.30, i woke up like a normal human being, went to the toilet, did my business, brushed my teeth(which was a breeze), showered, got dressed and i was out. In the bus, suddenly it hit me.

I really hope everything is ok with the baby. It wont be till 7more days till i have my next appt with Dr Adrian and the last time everything was looking so fab. Good strong heartbeat.

So itchy hands me went to baby forums and such and i swear that was a wrong decision.

I have mummies telling me they have the same symptoms and feeling and the next time they went to have their u/s done, the dr could not find a fetal heartbeat and the baby must have stopped growing at 8weeks 3days. Like the dr could actually tell the exact moment when the baby stopped growing, which also means the day the mother miscarried.

I told Linda about this, she took it positively and told me that it was my morning sickness that was gone, i should not worry too much and enjoy my pregnancy.

How to?
Seriously, how to. :'(
I am scared.

Come one, just 1 breast flinch or make me vomit come on make me vomit now i dont care, anything at all to show me you're ok my little one.
If these 'no symptoms' persist till end of today, i am seeing dr adrian tmr.
For that peace of mind.

A degree is a useless piece of paper

Sorry for this 'i dont care about how you feel' post.

Someone just said that any tom dick and harry can get a degree and unless their parents are paying, nurses shouldnt waste their 20k paying off their study loan for nothing.

Hello?

Must be one of those lazy melayu's. Sorry to say this but i am melayu also and proud of it.

You dont want to take your degree for whatever reasons you have, your pasal ah.

I took mine, with a lot of sacrifices and all, and that cert puts me where i am today, above you and earning much much moree than you.
So dont you be a smart pac and say all these ignorant things.
Time waster.
Because unlike me, you are just contempt with where you are now and what you are earning.
Im not. Because i know i should study while i can,  be paid more,  be offered a higher position besides a regular nurse and i know i can provide more for my family and kids.

Sorry but hell no.
You are damn wrong.

Baby Names too early? Nahh.

Okayyyyy.
Me and A have actually decide on our baby's names. We have for either one. Uhmmmm.

A has this thinking of having a family name. Well, actually starting a family name. Like the angmohs will have aniston or pitt or smith or sheperdson or kunis or whatever. Yeah so something like that.
(And i also like the fact that i could #The(insertfamilyname) in Ig. Heh.

So we decided on Yuhanis.
Why? Uhmmm. This was actually decided even before we got married because A saw is somewherr and he was like yes yes thats gonna be in my kids name one day. 

As for me, i would want to inculcate a middle name. And this came out of a sudden during evening coffee time at coffee bean and i came across this article on Isra & Mi'raj. The journey of our prophet nabi muhammad saw (peace be upon him) where solat, sunnah, and all the important elements of Islam was brought upon to him. so having this middle name inculcated gives me the relief and assurance that whatever journey of life my kids has to go through, it has and always be in the name of Allah and Islam.

For the names.
We have decided on Hannah if its a girl, or Qaiser if a boy.

Meanings also seeked upon

Hannah, meaning loving, kind, sympathetic.

Qaiser, meaning emperor, responsible, inclined to give help and comfort to those in need.

So with my middle name and A's 'family name'.

It will thus be, my babies names
:'( :'( so emotional......

Hannah Isra Yuhanis
Qaiser Miraj Yuhanis

With the meaning of their names, and the journey they will take, and always knowing family.
What more could i ask for.
I am blessed. Thank you Allah for all that you have bestowed on me.

Prenatal checks and choosing my Gynae

Choosing my gynae must be the most confusing and annoying thing ever considering the fact that EVERYONE has an opinion and everyone has some bad/good things to say.

See, i bukan lah mengade2 but i would rather not go with KK because KK is seriously f***ed up. I have worked there, i have seen and i have witnessed and i do not like it. Subsidize or private, irregardless, uh-huh, never.

So after much sought out baby forums and mummy forums and asking here and there, me and A has decided to go with Dr Adrian Benjamin Woodworth. Mainly because of convenience and also, i like him, got chemistry. I like doctors who dont talk a lot, make me more anxious only. Which was rather what was commented to me actually.

'Dr Adrian nvr talk one.  Very quiet. Must ask him qns. If not very fast. '

Ok you see. For me, a doctor who doesnt talk a lot, talks only whe he needs to works for me. This is also one of many reasons WHY i question the P&C of doctors in KK. Bebual kuat org luar pun boleh dgr. No EQ. God, just so uncomfortable.

Isnt it good that you have a doctor who only talks what is needed and answers all your questions and doubts instead of a doctor who talks non stop and distrupt your alleged way of thoughts?

I dont know. Whichever rocks your boat.

So to make it short, i actually started seeing Dr A when i was 10weeks down. Which he also said, why didnt you see me at 6weeks or from your point of post? Bahahahha. Dont know what to answer.

So the package was $688 (as of January 2015) from 10th week - end of pregnancy (birth). He also doesnt charge extra for meds when i came in for flu or cough and he is very generous with his MC. Heh. See of cours there will be refunds on a certain % if Dr Adrian were to my delivery doctor. We will see about that. The package was a basic one. With the ultrasound photos every visit and also routine checks. Not inclusive of blood takes if needed etx.

Before i forgot as well, actually the main reason why we decided with Dr Adrian was mainly because he has an evening clinic at Sengkang from 5.30-7.30pm on weekdays and also opens on alternate Sundays, which works well for me since i am on office hours and i do not want to take unnecessary leave to go for check ups. And his clinic is at Sengkang! How convenient since we are staying with mum now while our rooms are being leased out for at least a yr or two for now.

Alhamdulillah, everything is falling into place.
And i know A wont be reading this, he thinks blogging is a waste of time. But having a baby totally changes the way i feel and thinks of my darling A. I used to have this mindset that I am A's maid and he is very dependant on me in cooking, cleaning, ironing and all those routine housekeeping. But since knowing we are pregnant, A has been 100% attentive to all my needs and pls im not sugarcoating any of this. This is really straight from my heart.

I am so glad i have A as my husband, my khalifah, and the father of my children.
What more can i ask for?
I am very blessed. Thank you Allah.

Insert, first ultrasound :)

MS

Morning sickness takes all of me away.
ALL OF ME.