Ok here goes. The excitement of building our own furniture. Not only does it saves us a lot of moos, it also gives that personal touche for 'our home away from home'.
Amongst many are mainly bedframes, tv console, window bench, side table, coffee table, shoe rack and even some for decorative purposes.
Of course in time to come, i will show you the updates of our project.
Super stoked i tell you!
Hi you guyssss. Lol.
I have been very busy. Doing nothing exactly. Just came back from KL visiting A for about a week, he is doing very well there la. Got people to do his laundry la. Food all eat nice2 lah. Bed all people make for him la. Sleep in aircon room la. So i have nothing much to worry actually knowing A's daily needs are cared for.
So while i was there in KL, we managed to view a few units for our home while we are there in coming years. Of course taking into consideration the price and space. We were pretty much stoked about finding a new home cause it seems that it was just yesterday we were going around tampines n pasir ris looking for our home.
Scott Gardens SOHO caught our eyes even before we viewed it physically. Duplex unit. 1 fairly huge room, making it just enough and cosy for both me and A. Of course we know we are bound to have visitors but in comparison to 1 or 2-3bedrooms, the price range are pretty high up. Thus, we decided that OK, we will get a unit enough for us, and cosy and comfortable if our family come to visit. We have to be accomodating but not too much because the rental isnt that low. And thats only because we decided in an area near city, actually just outside of city. 5mins to mid valley so thats good enough. To top off the icing on the cake, they actually have a mall below our apartment, they have starbucks, tesco, some fashion outlets, so really it is quite a good bargain
Because we decided on a partially furnished unit, meaning what is provided are aircons, heater system, cabinets, cooker hob and hood, lights fixtures, we literally have to start from basic, meaning we have to purchase our housestyle items.
But of course buying brand new furnitures just doesnt make any sense considering the fact that we wont be in KL forever?, and i have emphasised to A on how we have to save as much and not waste on furnitures, i have came up with a fantabulous idea. As always, DIY lahh.
Wooden pallets. Really underrated those things. I will share with you a few design ideas that i plan to build, really ah ni bukan sangat 2 minute, maube if it works well, i might consider on having it at our spore home. Of course tak lah semua pakai wooden pallets kan. Much to be precise, i intend to have my bed frame & base, tv console, sofa bench (by e window for extra seats), coffee table. Pretty much tt.
But for now, im excited to show you some.of the pictures i took of our apt while viewing last week.
I will blog soon.
...
This is an is an extremely personal topic for me to write.
'Da berisi?'
“Pray for us, Soon In Sha Allah” is always our answer.
And every month when Little Miss Red comes, I die a little inside.
Every month when I realised that I’m not pregnant, I find myself quickly thinking, “I don’t deserve to be a mother. Maybe I’m not good enough to be one.”
During the first year of marriage, I was super anxious to have a child. I wanted it so badly and I prayed for it every day.
"Everything has its own time and its own place.”
And how that rings true. For everything in life. We can want something so bad, but if it has not been willed for it to happen, it will not happen. Even if the whole world conspired and helped you, if Allah has not willed for it to happen, it will not happen. And if it is bound to happen, even if the whole universe is against you, Allah will make sure it happens.
Anger won’t change the situation. Disappointment won’t change the situation. But Du’a will.
You know, I still do pray for a child. And you may say, “But you said Du’a will change the situation. You are still not pregnant.”
And here’s what I can tell you. I may not have gained a child yet, but I have lost my anxiety and I have gained peacefulness.
Through Du’a, I have found acceptance. I have found strength. And I have found clarity.
And now, when I do make du’a for a child, I add “Only if its the best for us, Ya Allah. For our Deen, Dunia and Akhirat. And only You know best.”
We cannot understand why Allah has willed certain things for us. Maybe someday, with His blessings, we will. But if we don’t, than take comfort in the fact that whatever happens, it is all for our good.
I am not saying that I have given up. But I have definitely found peace. Peace in knowing that it’s OK. That even if we don’t have kids, it’s also going to be OK. Because we have each other, we have a beautiful family and we have Allah.
That’s all we need, really.
So if something is missing in your life, know that it’s OK. Perhaps it’s in that very absence that might actually lead you to strengthen your relationship with Allah.
And that counts for more than anything else in this world.
4.45am. Just finished packing A's luggage while he had his '15mins nap' since 1.20am.
He seems so shagged and cant even catch a breather over these 1.5 days, so i let him sleep while i pack his 3 weeks 25kg luggage.
Maybe him flying back every weekend isn't such a good bet. Of course, i had to play the role of the supportive wife because right now, i dont think a clingy overemotional dramatic wife would help A in any way. He is, after all, working. Just in a different country. Which of course rhetorically, is just 45mins away. But deep down, i just wanna cry and cry and.just.cry.
Nevertheless, one things for sure, distance teaches us to appreciate the days that we are able to spend time together and distance teaches us the definition of patience.
I was told, the best thing to hold on onto life, is each other.
I'll see you soon, my love.
I don’t know how you feel.
Hang on, i do.
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
And that is my important disclaimer here.
I know what it’s like to wait months or even years, only to see a little negative sign that hurts in such a big way.
I know what it’s like to get pregnant, only to have no heartbeat be the swift end to a short life’s journey.
I know what it’s like to have a child, only to lose them way before a mother ever should.
But if there’s one thing that pregnancy or being pregnant for that short while, is teaching me, it’s that this kind of stuff happens often, way more often than I ever realized before. This kind of stuff where things don’t happen quickly and perfectly. This kind of stuff where it’s not just boom-bam-pow, and nine months later a healthy baby is born and lives a long and happy life.
And Mother’s Day.
It’s coming. It might be a few weeks away yet, but that doesn't stop every TV commercial and retail magazine from reminding us of this impending date. {And of how we better not disappoint our moms this year...again.}
But it’s not all happiness and greeting cards and flowers and Pandora bracelets on Mother’s Day. Not for everyone.
So to those who are waiting. Waiting to become a mother for the first time, or waiting to watch your family grow: I am so sorry.
I am so sorry for the pain you have gone through. So sorry for the waiting, the agonizing, the questioning, the crying. So sorry for the frustration and anger.
I’m sorry for the struggle to choose joy and gratitude in painful circumstances.
I am so sorry if you, just like me once, have ever thought, “there must be something wrong with me! I am a woman, and my body is supposed to be able to do this, to carry a baby!”
I’m so sorry for the well-intended comments and advice people like to share that sometimes have the healing effect of a band-aid on a broken bone.
I’m so sorry for everything you have been through behind the scenes at home and behind closed doors at the doctor’s office. Behind the smiles and the “I’m so happy for you’s” that you so politely direct at everyone else’s pregnancy and birth announcements. {Not that you aren't happy for others, but maybe you simply want this kind of happiness for yourself this time.}
I’m so sorry.
To those mourning. Mourning the loss of your child, or even mourning the loss of a relationship with your child that seems beyond reconciliation: I am so sorry.
I’m so sorry, no matter how long in the womb or how short on this earth your child was with you. Because there is no good time to lose a child: seven weeks, four months, thirty-seven years.
I’m so sorry for the reminders: the due dates, the birth dates, that one thing that you saw the other day that triggered a memory along with your pain. While you never want to forget your child, I wish the pain of your loss could be forgotten.
I'm so sorry, for even if you are blessed with more children someday, a child you have loved and lost can never be replaced.
“It’s so hard. And it’s something that never, ever leaves you”
I’m so sorry.
And to both. To both those waiting and those mourning:
I’m so sorry for when you and your husband have felt like you are suffering alone. Because although you aren't alone, although this affects so many more people than we realize, these struggles are often kept quiet.
And I’m sorry for all of the other stuff that I don’t understand too. Because again, I don’t know how you feel. Being in the situation that I am in, I often wonder if someday soon I will more fully understand. But only you know what it’s like in the situation and circumstances you are in. Only you know how it feels.
So today, and over these next few weeks, and over these upcoming months of my own journey, and with a new sensitivity to how often this stuff happens, let's all pray a little harder. For Allah is the best of planners.
I know, there is always hope.
Always. Hope.
But I don’t want to deny that there can be pain too.
And it's not that I think you need random pity from a random stranger such as myself. But I do think that sometimes it helps when recognition is given to how tough the journey can be to walk through.
And even though great miracles might be in store for your life or great lessons might be learned along the way, that doesn't mean that pain and weeping aren't a part of the journey beforehand.
Nevertheless, Happy Mother's Day to all mummies out there.
Always hoping for that plus sign. Insya allah.
So since the miscarriage, and after all the follow ups, of course i was very glad that i didnt had to undergo d&c which was a huge relief. Hence, of course after an episode of a miscarriage, next would be waiting for the next cycle. Beginning to get worried since its coming to 2months.
But hold on, my menses came today.
Wiggle wiggle, dance on the floor roll on the kitchen tiles okay.
Yeay!
My last menses was 8th Jan. 5months and im buying pads with wings again.
Hello!
If i was still pregnant now, i would have been 18 weeks tmr.
I would have probably/definitely look like a whale.
And A's moving would probably be much more complicated if i was.
It really is a blessing in disguise, for what it's worth. :)
Yesterday, I cried.
I came home, went straight to my room,
sat on the edge of my bed,
kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra,
and I had myself a good cry.
I cried until my nose was running all over the silk blouse I got on sale.
I cried until my ears were hot.
I cried until my head was hurting so bad
that I could hardly see the pile of soiled tissues lying on the floor at my feet.
I want you to understand,
I had myself a really good cry yesterday.
Yesterday, I cried,
for all the days that I was too busy,
or too tired, or too mad to cry.
I cried for all the days, and all the ways,
and all the times I had dishonored, disrespected,
and disconnected my Self from myself,
only to have it reflected back to me in the ways others
did to me the same things I had already done to myself.
I cried for all the things I had given, only to have them stolen;
for all the things I had asked for that had yet to show up;
for all the things I had accomplished, only to give them away,
to people in circumstances, which left me feeling empty,
and battered and plain old used.
I cried because there really does come a time when
the only thing left for you to do is cry.
Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because little boys get left by their daddies;
and little girls get forgotten by their mommies;
and daddies don't know what to do, so they leave;
and mommies get left, so they get mad.
I cried because I had a little boy,
and because I was a little girl,
and because I was a mommy who didn't know what to do,
and because I wanted my daddy to be there so badly until I ached.
Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because I hurt. I cried because I was hurt.
I cried because hurt has no place to go
except deeper into the pain that caused it in the first place,
and when it gets there, the hurt wakes you up.
I cried because it was too late.
I cried because it was time.
I cried because my soul knew that I didn't know
that my soul knew everything that I needed to know.
I cried a soulful cry yesterday, and it felt so good.
It felt so very, very bad.
In the midst of my crying,
I felt my freedom coming,
Because... Yesterday, I cried
with an agenda.
It is ok because I express pain differently.
Itching to write but the laziness.
On top of it all, my Koko always want to cuddle cuddle on bed only. No freedom! Lol.
How to become author like this?
My sweet agent from Adecco called yesterday and said that there is an opening at BP and she was wondering whether i would be keen.
Haiyahhhh whhyyyy. BP is like the high profilic place to work at. Even better than Shell & AxxonMobil.
So i spoke to A, my sister and my cousins and asked their opinion. Well actually i kinda have made my decision ard. See i wasnt planning to work till we move and probably im getting bored and getting unused to using my husbands funds.
So i went for my 1st phone interview today and it went well. HOWEVER, tmr will be the second and final interview with the board of directors and i am scared shitless.
My agent send me the JD and my oh my, no wonder they could pay wholesomely. The JD was 3pages long. So i went to starbucks earlier, sat down for a good 3hrs to do my research and homework on the company's profile and what is expected of me for a OHN.
If it's my rezeki, it will be mine.
But hey, just take a look. And my homework. Lol. Mcm rajin je. Hopefully tmr i dont go frozen and let it go.
Set to go. Time to sleep. Good night!
After writing that lengthy post, it made me realised how much i have in my head.
There are things that are stopping me, and there are things that needs to be worked on, amongst many.
There is just so many things to think about and i admire those people who takes on all their courage to pick up their bags and leave, returning better then ever. Some not even at all.
But what are the chances this comes again?
I can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over analyzing the situation, trying to fit the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happen.
Or, i can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.
People would say that it only makes sense to migrate to a country with a better currency than Singapore, thats when the standard of living is achieved readily, rather than migrate to places like Malaysia or Indonesia.
Thats what people say ahhh. I beg to differ.
And of course, its not because I am going over in a few mths time thus stating facts to myself that we have made a good decision, or otherwise, whichever it is. This is not the case of making-myself-feel-better post. I know i am all about facts and what not.
Ok so. Someone said,
'Kl traffic is horrendous, transport is like no point with all the jam and population, ringgit is so low now with a conversion rate at an astonishing x2.65.', to name a few.
Ok first things first. And let me explain in brief, if not very detailed info about the pros and cons of living in KL. And when i say this, i am totally reflecting the p&c as to what is affecting me & A. Not in general. I dont care about other people. Lol.
1. Salary
Of course its in RM. But because we will be living in KL, we have to avoid the perception every sporeans have on converting and 'its cheaper or more expensive in Spore'. I think that only applies if you are on a trip here to KL for a few days. Its diff when you are actually living here isnt it?
ISNT IT? Haha.
Of course you'll be doubly rich here. But we will be paid in RM. And truth to be told, the salary is also doubletriple to what we are getting in Spore. So, would that benefit us at all? Of course it is. So exclude that pls. Why would we want to jump into a minimum 3yr commitment if we know we will not achieve a better or at the very least, a higher than average standard of living. We have minimum standards too. And being able to achieve that in Spore, we can in KL. Period.
2. Housing/Accomodation
We bought our first home here in SG back in Jan. 4 room resale at 408k. It was considered on the lower scale since it was resale. And it was for a good bargain to say the least. Of course we entered real estate when the market wasnt good. Good for us. Not so much for the people who sold us their house. Nyeh nyeh nyeh. It was really our best purchase ever. Almost walk in condition. Of course the kitchen give me problem la. I want islanddddd. Ok back to housing in KL.
Again, there is a lot to choose from in KL compared to SG. We have the option to stay in city, near city, outside city, way outside city. And of course price plays a comparison as well. Staying in city will come in at a bigger $$$ per mnth, but because its in the city, we can make use of the readily transport system in KL. Save on transport la gitu.
So we did our fair share of research. Actually, only i did. A is no help. He leaves everything to me.
Because A will be working in Bangsar South and me in city area. We decided that ok, we will live somewhere a little bit outside, but with a car, we will make do. I mean come on, we cannot afford a condo here, not ever la, insya allah maybe in the future. So why not live in a condo in KL. The prices are unbelievable ranging from RM1.3k-RM2.5k here for a minimim 2-3bedroom apartment. And fully furnished for that matter. We are not gonna go into buying an empty apt and then having to buy furnitures and electrical items and what not, at the end of the day, we're not gonna live there forever.
So with that being said. RM1.3-2.5k for a 2-3bedroom apartment, good?
Roughly about 10-20mins to city. Near amenities, shops, and pasar (very impt). I think its good as it gets. We had our eyes on a few apts that A will be seeing when he goes over end of this mnth. Its Scotts Garden Soho located along Jln Klang Lama, 231TR in city, pantai hillpark in pantai and Elements @ Ampang.
( traffic is secondary, spore also traffic, dont want traffic stay at kampong k?)
Ok i wanna compare, this i have to.
$600-$1000/month for a 2-3br condo in spore, can get? Fully furnished ahhh. NEVER. Lucky enough if you have a master bedroom with that price.
Of course we are set for a gatted apartment, with a pool and an awesome view. With Soho being a duplex and just on top of Tesco & Starbucks, what more do i want.
3. Food. Food. Food.
Have you ever went to KL and because the food was so cheap, you just have to buy those foods not because you are hungry but because it is so damn cheap? Exactly. How much is dining out again in KL? And please, dont need to talk about eating in posh and high end places. Even in SG we rarely eat lavishly, maybe once in 2mnths. We are the kedai kopi kinda people.
So ok kedai kopi, prices are the same? Maybe a few RM more? RM5 for a plate of chicken rice? RM8 for a mcdonalds meal? Affordable enough if your salary is doubletriple the amount in SG? Of course it is. And with the fact that halal cuisines is at every road and streets, i think we will be spoilt for choice. Happy me!
4. Transport (Car & Public)
Public for me
Ok i have to say this. When i used to work in novena and i was from hougang. I HATED going to work due to commuting. There is NEVER enough space and i always have my face a few inches away from the door. So please dont tell me we have a very efficient transport system. With the sardine morning train rides and being late due to train faults, there is really nthg efficient about the transport system in Spore. Comparative to KL, i think it is pretty much the same. The only setback for me is. Those days when i have to commute to work without A, and i have to take a bus to go to the nearest metro or lrt stn, same like in Spore, i never knew their bus stops. I always thought just flag the bus will stop. Ok that i have to find out more.
Car for A
A being A. And the fact that i know how much he is into cars and the fact that we dont have it in spore, it makes more sense for him to get a car in KL. Plus the not paying $60k grand for a piece of paper (stupid COE), car prices in KL is relatively very cheap.
We have seen the range and we came up eith a few list of cars in hand.
Kanchil kenari/myvi rm200-300/mnth
Proton sedan rm400-500/mnth.
Mitsubishi/hyundai/kia/ford sedan rm500-600/month
Honda civic/mitsubishi suv rm700-800
Peugeot 700-800
Thats the max we can have. RM700-800/mnth for a car. We do not want to max our budget for the car, a car is still a car, a kenari has to go through traffic just as a maserati would. BUT, come one. Let A have this moment this time. He takes the pick. He is super excited about it. Always showing me cars in the middle of the night. Boys and their toys.
And like i said, with the traffic in KL and so is there in SG, that is smtg we cant avoid. So i will make my peace with that.
5. Income Taxation for Expats
Just like IRAS, malaysia has its own tax regiments as well. But the difference is as to the rates imposed to us. Just like a PR in SG, it is just as e same to us who belongs to the expat/foreigner community in Msia.
So let me share with you what i have read through. I might be wrong. But i might also be very very right. Muahahahaha.
Tax residents VS Non tax resident
Tax residents
Those people who serves a minimum of 182 days per calender year. Bear in mind that msia income tax prevails from 1st Jan - 31st Dec. So if you are the unlucky ones who comes after the first half of the year, be ready to pay extra contributions just because you dont fit their 182 days/calender year requirements.
So for these tax residents, you are required to pay 26% per month for the first 6months of your stay in KL. They say your contribution rates varies in accordance to your pay scale and the max is 26%, but you know thats all bullshit. Of course it will be 26%. Why? Its Malaysia. Having a sporean to lead a malaysian team, this is our suffering people. Ok so 26% for the first 6mnths with a promise of a certain percentage of refund in their next calender yr in april. April is the month for income tax filing in msia fyi. When asked when is the refund, of course they cant give a straight answer. Malaysia boleh! So refunds aside, you have to contribute a 6-12% of your salary after the 6mnths for as long as you work in msia. Its like CPF but they call it EPF there. Not sure whether that will be refunded and again, lets just put it at 12%.
Lets say if the salary is RM12,000. RM3120 is for tax. DAMN!
Non-tax residents
I never really read this part but im assuming it has got to do with paying a bit more because you dont qualify in being a tax resident. If its not less money its more, what else could it be right? Im setting my foot at MORE. Lol.
There is also taxes in mind like social security tax and health insurance tax. But A's company will have to sort that out. I am very rigid when it comes to paying. Bukan kedekut eh. Its like. Ok lets face it, Malaysia is a corrupted nation. We have experienced it, we've read about it and we know how its like. So as long as there are facts and a legit signed letter to prove what is and whats not, i am good. But if not, ASK ASK ASK. Which is why i am ranting at A to make sure he has all these queries asnwered in hand before making the trip. I even emailed the HR on behalf of him. Because i have so many qns. And with A getting all hype about moving, he might have not thought about it. Thats why we are a team.
I think. He? He thonks. LOL!
Because we are renting our flat out here whilst we are away, of course we can snip into that to cover for deposits or taxes and what not. Always have back up la. Because the ultimate plan is to come back to SG, 3yrs later, or so, and have at least 40k in our bank to settle reno and settle down here. Thats our aim. We will work towards it. A has a hand in saving and bring thrifty. I am not. Im a spender and so are you! Just admit it la. Haha.
6. Language & Culture
Doubt this will an issue. It is generally a muslim country. I hope i dont come back talking like doh, wei, kot.
I need to start conversing more in melayu. Because the last time i ordered fries in kl mcdonalds, it was a disaster.
Me: 'One large fries takeaway pls'
Her: 'And then?'.
Mati la aku kau jawab mcm gini wei!
7. Holiday
Ok so me and A are so dwind to travel every now and then. And of course with the low RM, booking a flight might be an issue considering the currency. BUT! Because A is very resourceful when it comes to checking out deals and travel discounts, no problem la kan. Also, trust me, it is much cheaper to fly from KLIA then from Changi.
If not, we can always make the time to explore Msia from a different side. Of course theres the states and europe and italy n france and turkey and dubai and all these places we longed to visit. But maybe, we can start with port dickson, genting, cameron, baru caves, langkawi, melaka, terrenganu. All these places full of history. I wouldnt mind. In fact, A, when is our next trip?!?!
However, batam seems far now whyyyyyy.
7. Weather
Same same. But if hot at home can on aircon most of the time cause electricity in Msia is not as crazy as PUB. Money sucker that PUB.
8. Lastly, Overall Sustainability
Truth be told, with more pros than cons to my believe, i am more scared to move over than be excited. The fear of whats to come. The unsure-rity. I know we will do well there. With A holding a higher post and me being a nurse, we could easily churn out at least RM15-20k/month in hand. But what worries me is the family we will leave behind. I have never stayed apart from my mum (except that 2yrs when i was studying). And the fact that she is a single mum and she is still paying off her house. It saddens me that she has to continue working to sustain herself and irfan. Of course bringing them over and having irfan placed in an international school is out of the qns because the fees are ridicolous. I freeze upon the thought of leaving my mum behind. And my cats. Ohh my cats. :'(
But, i need to take this in our stride. Like i told A. I have always been blessed to hold a good paying job here. And the second A told me about his chance of a relocation, i said go for it without a second thought. Of course for that second i fail to think of other factors involved in our relocation. But this oppourtunity comes knocking on your door, you take it. It might just be KL but wouldnt it be nice to move for a chance. Have some work life balance. Spore is too stressful and its taking a toll on us. With work and the demand to pay this and that. its too much for 1 person to deal at times. And yes, we give this a 3yr stunt, we will be back, we might not. Who knows. As cliche as it is, we wouldnt want to think back and said damn we shud have done that. Let us do this for the experience.
Because we only have each other over there, it might gives us a chance to see each other in a diff perspective. We need each other. We are a team. And whereever his dreams lands him, i will go and give him all that supoort he needs.
Aidil, this is for you. Your time to shine.
It's an ego booster, really. :)
I am in so much pain after miscarrying yesterday.
A needs to work, i cant have him beside me stroking me with vicks all the time and bringing me drinks when i asked him to. I need to persevere and be strong.
Ya allah, give me the strength to go through this.
So earlier today I was at Mount Elizabeth hospital for an interview. I got the job fyi. Alhamdulillah.
While waiting, i experienced pain like no other. I was having severe cramps and broke into a cold sweat and i knew i had wet my pants. No it is not disgusting.
As you all know, i had a miscarriage and it has been close to 7-8weeks? Nthg has happened yet and i was scheduled for a D&C on 7/4.
Today it happened.
Firstly i have to apologize if the graphics i would be showing would cause some people to vomit but again, like i have said. There is nothing to be shy about when we talk about miscarriages. Seems to be a close topic for some. Though awareness is there, it is always good to have or read stories especially if you are experiencing or going through one.
So during the interview, i was sweating bullocks and it was a pain i can never describe. I felt like i was experiencing contractions, though i never knew how it felt like but im pretty sure it was close to that. The contractions was about 15-20mins apart and everytime i could feel blood trickling out from my vajeje. And this was happening the moment i stepped out of the house.
So i persevere through the interview. I got the yes, i start next week. The pay is good, benefits and bonuses all good. Alhamdullilah for that.
Right after that, i dashed straight to the toilet whilst that feeling like as if i was gonna give birth.
And i did.
It was smooth. And alhamdulillah, it happened in the toilet because masya allah, imagined if it happened in the train or while im walking at orchard road. I could not thank Allah for giving me the blessing and shelter for what i thought is something personal that the walls of the cubicles was sufficient.
My panties was soaked with blood. So was my pants. My pad was unregconizable and i was in a complete state of shock as to what i saw came out of it.
It was my baby, my precious little one.
Innalillah wa innahlillayhi rajiioon.
For to him we belong and to him we return.
I wrapped my baby in a handkerchief which i happened to have. Cleaned myself up. Brace myself. Called A to inform him and hailed a cab and went back home.
I held my baby on my palms throughout the journey home. He/she was heavy. About 300-400grams i can say?
When i reached, mum and A was waiting and we went to bury our baby right after, under a tree, just behind our home where i could see him through my bedroom window.
We wrapped him in a white cloth and we buried him together. It was heartbreaking. Nothing can compare to having to bury your own child. And as a Muslim, because my baby was not fully 'grown', we did not have to go through funeral processions. But what i saw in the toilet, i just didnt have the heart to flush my baby down.
We have moaned and we have accepted.
It was just before maghrib and it was windy, almost chilly. And i knew Allah must be very proud of us, as parents, to be so calm and composed at that moment of time.
Only when we had to doa after, i broke down and i just hugged A.
Thats our baby.
And we will see you soon sweetheart, in jannah, insya allah.
Thank you A, for being the stronger one. For taking the lead. For doing all that you do. For giving me the strength. For not pointing fingers. For accepting our destiny. For allowing me to moarn. And for being wonderful all this time.
Alhamdulillah, for this test and all blessings to follow.
I am tested and i have redha. And we will not stop trying.
PS. In the photo, is my precious, with its placenta and attached umbilicial cord. It came out in 1 piece. Alhamdulilah.
Since our last visit to the doctor. And since the advise was to miscarry naturally, nothing has happened yet. I am having none of the miscarriage symptoms. No cramps. No bleeding. No spotting. No nthg.
Should i be worried?
As of today, baby has been inside me not alive for close to 5 weeks now.
Please give me some answers.
Why is the baby not coming out?
Since we received news of the miscarriage, we have been receiving countless support and love from people we knew, and definitely made facing this period much easier.
However, when you are faced with such news, any news later is considered good.
1. A was offered a permanent job at apple as a software engineer. Pay increase and excellent benefits. Of course I am overjoyed because this is his cup of tea. And i am glad that insya allah, his work life is much stable now.
However, when A submitted his resignation letter, A was approached by his big boss that they are considering to convert him to perm BUT thats not the best part.
The best part is they are also shortlisting his name to lead the banking team in KL. Basically, A's company is relocating to KL and his boss wants him to lead the team over there in charge of DBS.
THAT'S BIG NEWS ISNT IT?
If A relocates, i go with him. Which also means we will be starting our life there. Seems viable considering after what happened, it will be nice to free ourselves from the stressful demands of life in SG and live somewhere more 'relek' and laidback.
So A went for the interview with the recrutiment team from NCR HQ 2 days ago, and yesterday, they called and said that he got the job. And the salary offer they are offering is ya allah too good to be true. Enough for me to follow him there and become a tai tai lah. If not also i always have the option to work as a nurse there so i wont bore myself to death.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
I could say that A was extremely happy yet i knew he wasnt expressing that much knowing the other news and it just dampens everything.
Cant tell you how proud i am of A. So so proud of his determination and eagerness to start this new role and of course, whatever it takes, i will be his motivator.
So whilst we moarn, we are also considering this leap of future insya allah benefitting the both of us say, im the next 5years to come.
Maybe we will just be migrating there for good.
Maybe we will just leap at this opportunity to work there for 3-5yrs and then come back to SG.
Maybe A wont even take the offer and accept Apple instead.
So, we'll see. :)
Broke the news to the ones that knew and mattered yesterday. The look on everyones faces was pure disappointment and sadness however it is what it is.
It has been nearly 5weeks since my precious is 'resting' in my womb.
Opting to wait for another week for a natural miscarry which i hope wont be too painful however if my baby decides to stay on, will be going for a D&C on 7/4/15.
I pray to Allah that he will ease my pain and give me all the strength for me and A to get through this.
Me and A has comes to terms with the loss of our baby. We hope people gives us the space to not make it harder for us.
Will be away for 3days to just give ourselves some breather. Looking forward to eat all the food i avoided during pregnancy.
Life goes on doesn't it?
