Bismillah.

Insya allah.
Doa, usaha, tawakkal.

Best seats

My sunset snaps in the plane is getting more often since the timing would pretty much be in my favour.
I am in awed, seeing all to be Allah's creation.
But as the sun sets and I saw the last blink of the red sky going down in front of my very eyes, i closed my eyes and silently prayed, and when i opened my eyes, that sun was gone. It could have been 10seconds, or less than a blink of an eye, it went down with all my thoughts for this week. How i saw a 34yr old man passed on due to a heart attack. It left me with a tight knot in my stomach just thinking about it. The experience of having a loved one taken away from me is gut wrenching and i hope never to experience it again but who am i kidding, mati itu pasti.

So with that, I made a little pact in my brain, that i will love everyone i have in my life, like it was my last.

KL was heaven for me

I have 1 more hour before i have to get my ass off to the shower and head for KLIA. But before that, I NEED to share with all of you my hauls this week.

I just cannot.
Cheap, quality fabrics are everywhere in KL. BUT, the thing is, always bargain, even if the tag is there, do it still. Because if my face wasnt thick enough to ask, i wouldnt have had a rm45/metre fabric go down to rm30/metre.

LOL.

Ramble

I am amazed and inspired by the incredible strength and determination of the women who gather the courage to leave what no longer serves them.

It could be a neighbor, a friend, a teacher, a colleague, even a sister or mother.

We witness their struggles and their sadness and wonder why they stay, but we also know that we can’t force them to leave. We only hope that one day they see for themselves their infinite potential and send them encouragement to find their own happiness.

Whether it is a job, a relationship, or simply a life that is unfulfilling or holding them back.

The moment they realize their own potential and self worth, is much more powerful than anything we could have said to them.

It’s priceless.

If you have questioned your own situation and wonder if it’s time to leave, consider what makes a woman finally leave and ask if any of these statements ring true for you.

Why She Stayed.

She was once happy where she was. There were infinite possibilities—the love they shared was deep and powerful—she was desperate to rekindle that.

In the beginning, it felt wonderful and joyous as they were exploring new things together and she was learning so much about herself.

She remembered the fun they used to have and how fulfilled she was. He was everything she thought she wanted.

Her friends and family used to comment on how happy she was, as if they were envious of the joy she radiated. They wanted it too, or so she thought.

When things started to change, and the feelings began to dissipate, she wondered where she went wrong. She was hopeful that it would come back that strong again.

She was upset with herself, that she was somehow to blame.

She felt that staying showed her commitment and she was worried that she may leave too soon and live to regret it.

She waited for things to get better. She stayed optimistic that things would change.

She questioned many times if she should leave. That was the first sign that she should.

So instead, she looked for signs that she should stay. And sometimes when she looked hard enough, she found them.
She knew, in some ways that she was settling, but still she questioned if there would be anything better.

Besides, it wasn’t terrible and there was still some good left. Others certainly had it worse, she would justify.

She felt some safety in knowing what to expect, as if being comfortable brought happiness. It didn’t.
She had many ways to rationalize why she should stay.

She was scared about what she was giving up, and worried about what she may lose if she left.
But she didn’t consider what it was costing her to stay.

She started to uncover the courage and strength that she knew she always had. She weighed the risks.

Now, she was tired. She was defeated. She was resentful. She had given up her own power and happiness and she knew it was too far-gone.

She spoke to friends and she built up a tribe around her. They supported her. They always did.

She remembered how much potential she had and how the choice to stay was hurting her.

She let go of the guilt and blame that she had done something wrong. She hadn’t.

She finally had enough. She realized that it was no longer serving her. It was making her sad, hurt and frustrated.

She had given until there was nothing left to give. She wanted to smile and laugh again, like she did when it first began.

She knew it was inevitable that she would leave, but she didn’t know when. She didn’t know how. She knew she was stalling.

But she wondered what she was waiting for.

But finally, she left. The sadness became too much, the stress too overwhelming and the hurt enclosed her.

It was time to move on and she had found the strength. She realized that the only one holding her back was herself.

She was terrified of the aftermath. How would she cope? Who would she be without this part of her life that she had held onto for so long?

She picked herself up, she found the courage and she believed in herself. She knew she was strong, she knew she would survive.

She thought back to who she was before she weakened and how amazing and accomplished she was. How she lived her life without fear—she felt joy and passion. She found inspiration in that.

When it was all said and done, it was like a breath of fresh air. And she smiled again. Just like she knew she would.

She survived and she proved her strength. Not to anyone else, but to herself. She became aware of how much she had sacrificed and how unhappy she had been.

Life started to unfold around her and happiness began to pursue her. She didn’t need to reach for it with outstretched arms like she thought.

Happiness found her.

She still holds onto the happy memories, but she decided she deserved to be unconditionally happy. She decided that her life was worth pure bliss and that she didn’t need to rationalize her choices any longer.

For all of the amazing women of the world, may you find the strength and the courage to live the life of joy you are worthy of and finally take that breath of fresh air.

Fabric pallets

Yesterday was quite a fruitful day progressing ideas for #rosettebydya.

I understand that my limitations are specific because my only tool would be my sewing machine. What makes it interesting is the fabrics that i get to work with. Hunting for fabrics, finding the best quality and affordable prices for you!

Metres and metres of heaven on earth i'm telling you.
Before #rosettebydya came about, it was always a DIY project or smtg i did to pass time, and up till this second, i hope and i pray this is what it is.

Because what was said is true,

'Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life'.

I love to be a nurse, it is what I do best under any circumstances.

But this, this is my passion. Bismillah.

Photo credits mainly on Etsy. Others as well. 
#rosettebydya will be launching

- Basic colour block snoods
- Printed snoods
- Envelope cushion covers
- Muslimah outerwear (basic colour blocks)
- Muslimah outerwear ( printed designs)

More to come, insya allah!

Snoods in basic block colours

Floral

Moroccan

Kids Safari

Muslimah Outerwear (Printed) 

Fabric hunt

Thank you to a fellow blogger who shared a few hunts with me.

I AM READY TO GET MY HANDS ON ROSETTE BY DYA

Doshi N L Company
2Nd Floor, Lot 318,
Ampang Park Kompleks,
Jalan Ampang, 50450, KL.
p: 603-21612678 f: 603-27109674

People Textile
15, Jalan Petaling, 50000 Kuala lumpur.
Tel: 1-700-80-1315.
stretchy cotton

Cotton Zone
Lot No. 6, First Floor
Tesco Mutiara Damansara
8, Jalan PJU 7/4
Mutiara Damansara
47800 Petaling Jaya

Craft World (Yee Button House)
33, Jalan SS2/55, 47300 PJ
Tel No: 03 78770072/78770049
Fax No: 03 787743035
Business Hours: 9AM to 8PM (Close on Sundays)
Email: wcyee@craft-world.net
http://craft-world.net/
-Japanese prints of linen & cotton blend, g kedai Yee in SS2

Mayfair Handicraft
29, Jalan USJ 10/1E, Taipan Triangle
47620 UEP Subang Jaya
Tel/Fax : 603-56334563 (Brenda)
Business Hours:
10.00a.m. - 9.00p.m. (Mon - Fri)
10.00a.m. - 8.00p.m. (Saturday)
11.00a.m. - 7.00p.m. (Sunday)
Email: info@maycraft.com.my / mayfair.handicraft@gmail.com
http://maycraft.com.my/

Cottage Patch Sdn. Bhd.
#447, Jalan Ampang,
50450, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
http://cottagepatch.com/index.htm

Quilt Gallery
LG, Bangsar Village Shopping Ctr,
Jln Telawi, Bangsar Baru, 59100 KL
Tel No: 03-2282 5789
email : quilt@po.jaring.my

Haby & Wools
Lot 316, 2nd Floor,
Ampang Park Shopping Complex,
Jalan Ampang, 50450 KL
Tel : 603 2161 5346 (Jenny/Jennifer/Jacky )
Fax : 603 2715 7217
email : haby_wools@hotmail.com

Lily Handicraft
G095,1st Floor, Sg Wang Plaza
www.lilyhandicraft.com.my

Jens Handicraft
Lot 1-17A, 1st Floor The Atria Shopping Centre Damansara Jaya,
Petaling Jaya,
47400 Selangor,
Tel: 03-7722 1276

Anna Patchwork House
Lot CP2.02, Level CP2, Orange Zone,
Sunway Pyramid Shopping Mall,
No. 3 Jalan PJS 11/15, Bandar Sunway,
46150 Petaling Jaya, Selangor.
Tel: 012.317.4655
Email: annapatchworkhouse@gmail.com
annapatchworkhouse

Knit N Craft Centre (formerly known as Pusat Kraftangan Ann Branch)
12G, Jalan Puteri 5/1
Bandar Puteri,
47100 Puchong, Sel
Tel: 03-80631253
(close on Sunday)

Macy Handicraft
No.111 Jalan Sultan,
50000 Kuala Lumpur
Tel: 603-2078 1459
Business hours: 10:00 am to 7:00 pm
(close on Sunday and public holiday)

Suami & Isteri.

Sharing a good read,

Rasulullah SAW dalam sebuah hadis yang diriwayatkan oleh Aisyah Radhiallah RA bermaksud:

Aku pernah bertanya kepada Baginda: "Siapakah orang yang paling berhak ke atas isteri ?”

Baginda menjawab: “Orang yang paling berhak kepada isteri ialah suaminya.”

Kemudian aku bertanya lagi:
“Dan siapakah orang yang paling berhak ke atas suami?”
Baginda menjawab: “Orang yang paling berhak ke atas seorang suami ialah ibu kandungnya.”

“Kebanyakan ahli neraka adalah terdiri daripada kaum wanita.”
Maka menangislah mereka dan bertanya salah seorang daripada mereka: “Mengapa terjadi demikian, adakah kerana mereka berzina atau membunuh anak atau kafir ?”

Baginda menjawab: “Tidak, mereka ini ialah mereka yang menggunakan lidah menyakiti hati suami dan tidak bersyukur akan nikmat yang disediakan oleh suaminya.”

Jadi apakah perbuatan isteri yang derhaka kepada suami?

- Menghina atau mengumpat suami pada orang lain
- Menceritakan kelemahan atau kekurangan suami pada orang lain
- Keluar rumah tanpa kebenaran suami
- Mendoakan yang tak baik pada suami
- Membenci kegemaran suami
- Menjadi tekanan pada suami
- Mengungkit janji suami

Jauhkan lah aku dari membuat yang sedemikian.

Furniture DIY - Wooden pallets

Ok here goes. The excitement of building our own furniture. Not only does it saves us a lot of moos, it also gives that personal touche for 'our home away from home'.
Amongst many are mainly bedframes, tv console, window bench, side table, coffee table, shoe rack and even some for decorative purposes.

Of course in time to come, i will show you the updates of our project.

Super stoked i tell you!

Building a home, away from home.

Hi you guyssss. Lol.
I have been very busy. Doing nothing exactly. Just came back from KL visiting A for about a week, he is doing very well there la. Got people to do his laundry la. Food all eat nice2 lah. Bed all people make for him la. Sleep in aircon room la. So i have nothing much to worry actually knowing A's daily needs are cared for.

So while i was there in KL, we managed to view a few units for our home while we are there in coming years. Of course taking into consideration the price and space. We were pretty much stoked about finding a new home cause it seems that it was just yesterday we were going around tampines n pasir ris looking for our home.

Scott Gardens SOHO caught our eyes even before we viewed it physically. Duplex unit. 1 fairly huge room, making it just enough and cosy for both me and A. Of course we know we are bound to have visitors but in comparison to 1 or 2-3bedrooms, the price range are pretty high up. Thus, we decided that OK, we will get a unit enough for us, and cosy and comfortable if our family come to visit. We have to be accomodating but not too much because the rental isnt that low. And thats only because we decided in an area near city, actually just outside of city. 5mins to mid valley so thats good enough. To top off the icing on the cake, they actually have a mall below our apartment, they have starbucks, tesco, some fashion outlets, so really it is quite a good bargain 

Because we decided on a partially furnished unit, meaning what is provided are aircons, heater system, cabinets, cooker hob and hood, lights fixtures, we literally have to start from basic, meaning we have to purchase our housestyle items.

But of course buying brand new furnitures just doesnt make any sense considering the fact that we wont be in KL forever?, and i have emphasised to A on how we have to save as much and not waste on furnitures, i have came up with a fantabulous idea. As always, DIY lahh.

Wooden pallets. Really underrated those things. I will share with you a few design ideas that i plan to build, really ah ni bukan sangat 2 minute, maube if it works well, i might consider on having it at our spore home. Of course tak lah semua pakai wooden pallets kan. Much to be precise, i intend to have my bed frame & base, tv console, sofa bench (by e window for extra seats), coffee table. Pretty much tt.

But for now, im excited to show you some.of the pictures i took of our apt while viewing last week.

I will blog soon.

HE knows best.

Thank you Aida :)

...

This is an is an extremely personal topic for me to write.

'Da berisi?'

“Pray for us, Soon In Sha Allah” is always our answer.

And every month when Little Miss Red comes, I die a little inside.

Every month when I realised that I’m not pregnant, I find myself quickly thinking, “I don’t deserve to be a mother. Maybe I’m not good enough to be one.”

During the first year of marriage, I was super anxious to have a child. I wanted it so badly and I prayed for it every day.

"Everything has its own time and its own place.”

And how that rings true. For everything in life. We can want something so bad, but if it has not been willed for it to happen, it will not happen. Even if the whole world conspired and helped you, if Allah has not willed for it to happen, it will not happen. And if it is bound to happen, even if the whole universe is against you, Allah will make sure it happens.

Anger won’t change the situation. Disappointment won’t change the situation. But Du’a will.

You know, I still do pray for a child. And you may say, “But you said Du’a will change the situation. You are still not pregnant.”

And here’s what I can tell you. I may not have gained a child yet, but I have lost my anxiety and I have gained peacefulness.

Through Du’a, I have found acceptance. I have found strength. And I have found clarity.

And now, when I do make du’a for a child, I add “Only if its the best for us, Ya Allah. For our Deen, Dunia and Akhirat. And only You know best.”

We cannot understand why Allah has willed certain things for us. Maybe someday, with His blessings, we will. But if we don’t, than take comfort in the fact that whatever happens, it is all for our good.

I am not saying that I have given up. But I have definitely found peace. Peace in knowing that it’s OK. That even if we don’t have kids, it’s also going to be OK. Because we have each other, we have a beautiful family and we have Allah.

That’s all we need, really.

So if something is missing in your life, know that it’s OK. Perhaps it’s in that very absence that might actually lead you to strengthen your relationship with Allah.

And that counts for more than anything else in this world.

Where is the good in goodbye?

4.45am. Just finished packing A's luggage while he had his '15mins nap' since 1.20am.

He seems so shagged and cant even catch a breather over these 1.5 days, so i let him sleep while i pack his 3 weeks 25kg luggage.

Maybe him flying back every weekend isn't such a good bet. Of course, i had to play the role of the supportive wife because right now, i dont think a clingy overemotional dramatic wife would help A in any way. He is, after all, working. Just in a different country. Which of course rhetorically, is just 45mins away. But deep down, i just wanna cry and cry and.just.cry.

Nevertheless, one things for sure, distance teaches us to appreciate the days that we are able to spend time together and distance teaches us the definition of patience.

I was told, the best thing to hold on onto life, is each other.
I'll see you soon, my love.

Happy Mother's Day

I don’t know how you feel.
Hang on, i do.

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.

And that is my important disclaimer here.

I know what it’s like to wait months or even years, only to see a little negative sign that hurts in such a big way.

I know what it’s like to get pregnant, only to have no heartbeat be the swift end to a short life’s journey.

I know what it’s like to have a child, only to lose them way before a mother ever should.

But if there’s one thing that pregnancy or being pregnant for that short while, is teaching me, it’s that this kind of stuff happens often, way more often than I ever realized before. This kind of stuff where things don’t happen quickly and perfectly. This kind of stuff where it’s not just boom-bam-pow, and nine months later a healthy baby is born and lives a long and happy life.

And Mother’s Day.

It’s coming. It might be a few weeks away yet, but that doesn't stop every TV commercial and retail magazine from reminding us of this impending date. {And of how we better not disappoint our moms this year...again.}

But it’s not all happiness and greeting cards and flowers and Pandora bracelets on Mother’s Day. Not for everyone.

So to those who are waiting. Waiting to become a mother for the first time, or waiting to watch your family grow: I am so sorry.

I am so sorry for the pain you have gone through. So sorry for the waiting, the agonizing, the questioning, the crying. So sorry for the frustration and anger.

I’m sorry for the struggle to choose joy and gratitude in painful circumstances.

I am so sorry if you, just like me once, have ever thought, “there must be something wrong with me! I am a woman, and my body is supposed to be able to do this, to carry a baby!”

I’m so sorry for the well-intended comments and advice people like to share that sometimes have the healing effect of a band-aid on a broken bone.

I’m so sorry for everything you have been through behind the scenes at home and behind closed doors at the doctor’s office. Behind the smiles and the “I’m so happy for you’s” that you so politely direct at everyone else’s pregnancy and birth announcements. {Not that you aren't happy for others, but maybe you simply want this kind of happiness for yourself this time.}

I’m so sorry.

To those mourning. Mourning the loss of your child, or even mourning the loss of a relationship with your child that seems beyond reconciliation: I am so sorry.

I’m so sorry, no matter how long in the womb or how short on this earth your child was with you. Because there is no good time to lose a child: seven weeks, four months, thirty-seven years.

I’m so sorry for the reminders: the due dates, the birth dates, that one thing that you saw the other day that triggered a memory along with your pain. While you never want to forget your child, I wish the pain of your loss could be forgotten.

I'm so sorry, for even if you are blessed with more children someday, a child you have loved and lost can never be replaced.

“It’s so hard. And it’s something that never, ever leaves you”

I’m so sorry.

And to both. To both those waiting and those mourning:

I’m so sorry for when you and your husband have felt like you are suffering alone. Because although you aren't alone, although this affects so many more people than we realize, these struggles are often kept quiet.

And I’m sorry for all of the other stuff that I don’t understand too. Because again, I don’t know how you feel. Being in the situation that I am in, I often wonder if someday soon I will more fully understand. But only you know what it’s like in the situation and circumstances you are in. Only you know how it feels.

So today, and over these next few weeks, and over these upcoming months of my own journey, and with a new sensitivity to how often this stuff happens, let's all pray a little harder. For Allah is the best of planners.

I know, there is always hope.

Always. Hope.

But I don’t want to deny that there can be pain too.

And it's not that I think you need random pity from a random stranger such as myself. But I do think that sometimes it helps when recognition is given to how tough the journey can be to walk through.

And even though great miracles might be in store for your life or great lessons might be learned along the way, that doesn't mean that pain and weeping aren't a part of the journey beforehand.

Nevertheless, Happy Mother's Day to all mummies out there.
Always hoping for that plus sign. Insya allah.

Very happy 3.30am post

So since the miscarriage, and after all the follow ups, of course i was very glad that i didnt had to undergo d&c which was a huge relief. Hence, of course after an episode of a miscarriage, next would be waiting for the next cycle. Beginning to get worried since its coming to 2months.

But hold on, my menses came today.

Wiggle wiggle, dance on the floor roll on the kitchen tiles okay.

Yeay!

My last menses was 8th Jan. 5months and im buying pads with wings again.

Hello!

IF

If i was still pregnant now, i would have been 18 weeks tmr.
I would have probably/definitely look like a whale.
And A's moving would probably be much more complicated if i was.

It really is a blessing in disguise, for what it's worth. :)

#lifegoals

Yesterday, I cried.

Yesterday, I cried.
I came home, went straight to my room,
sat on the edge of my bed,
kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra,
and I had myself a good cry.
I cried until my nose was running all over the silk blouse I got on sale.
I cried until my ears were hot.
I cried until my head was hurting so bad
that I could hardly see the pile of soiled tissues lying on the floor at my feet.
I want you to understand,
I had myself a really good cry yesterday.

Yesterday, I cried,
for all the days that I was too busy,
or too tired, or too mad to cry.
I cried for all the days, and all the ways,
and all the times I had dishonored, disrespected,
and disconnected my Self from myself,
only to have it reflected back to me in the ways others
did to me the same things I had already done to myself.
I cried for all the things I had given, only to have them stolen;
for all the things I had asked for that had yet to show up;
for all the things I had accomplished, only to give them away,
to people in circumstances, which left me feeling empty,
and battered and plain old used.
I cried because there really does come a time when
the only thing left for you to do is cry.

Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because little boys get left by their daddies;
and little girls get forgotten by their mommies;
and daddies don't know what to do, so they leave;
and mommies get left, so they get mad.
I cried because I had a little boy,
and because I was a little girl,
and because I was a mommy who didn't know what to do,
and because I wanted my daddy to be there so badly until I ached.

Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because I hurt. I cried because I was hurt.
I cried because hurt has no place to go
except deeper into the pain that caused it in the first place,
and when it gets there, the hurt wakes you up.
I cried because it was too late.
I cried because it was time.
I cried because my soul knew that I didn't know
that my soul knew everything that I needed to know.
I cried a soulful cry yesterday, and it felt so good.
It felt so very, very bad.
In the midst of my crying,
I felt my freedom coming,

Because... Yesterday, I cried
with an agenda.

It is ok because I express pain differently.

Eh malas nyeeeee.

Itching to write but the laziness.

On top of it all, my Koko always want to cuddle cuddle on bed only. No freedom! Lol.

How to become author like this?

Work

My sweet agent from Adecco called yesterday and said that there is an opening at BP and she was wondering whether i would be keen.

Haiyahhhh whhyyyy. BP is like the high profilic place to work at. Even better than Shell & AxxonMobil.

So i spoke to A, my sister and my cousins and asked their opinion. Well actually i kinda have made my decision ard. See i wasnt planning to work till we move and probably im getting bored and getting unused to using my husbands funds.

So i went for my 1st phone interview today and it went well. HOWEVER, tmr will be the second and final interview with the board of directors and i am scared shitless.

My agent send me the JD and my oh my, no wonder they could pay wholesomely. The JD was 3pages long. So i went to starbucks earlier, sat down for a good 3hrs to do my research and homework on the company's profile and what is expected of me for a OHN.

If it's my rezeki, it will be mine.
But hey, just take a look. And my homework. Lol. Mcm rajin je. Hopefully tmr i dont go frozen and let it go.

Set to go. Time to sleep. Good night! 

To be or to be is not an option

After writing that lengthy post, it made me realised how much i have in my head.
There are things that are stopping me, and there are things that needs to be worked on, amongst many.

There is just so many things to think about and i admire those people who takes on all their courage to pick up their bags and leave, returning better then ever. Some not even at all.

But what are the chances this comes again?

I can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over analyzing the situation, trying to fit the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happen.

Or, i can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.